IW Star Wars (part 1)

Disclaimer: This post is purely satire, none of this is meant to be taken seriously :3

 

Hey Ice Warriors!

In honor of Star Wars day, we bring you the story of Star Wars, retold by Alucard and Silver. So, let us begin shall we.

In a galaxy far far away, chaos has ensued upon the Ice Warriors Nation. The great inflation of snowflakes has affected the economy. Hoping to resolve the matter, the greedy Leader Federation stopped all minting of snowflakes to the small planet of Sub Zero. As a result, the Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, (Ben), alongside his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, (Freedomist), went to investigate the matter. Upon arriving on Sub Zero, they find that, behind this all, was none other than the infamous Darth Vader (Icey). 

Ben and Freedomist draw their lightsabers to take the equipment used to steal snowflakes from the people. Icey then draws his lightsaber to protect the equipment. The three begin to charge all at once for a fierce battle to save the Sub Zero economy. They fight and they fight, but, finally, Ben throws a stunning blow on Icey forcing him to retreat immediately with the thumb drive containing everything needed to save the economy.

Ben and Freedomist quickly chase after Icey but he manages to get away by using his army of Stormtroopers (Privates) as a distraction. While the two Jedis were distracted, Icey calls upon a certain bounty hunter under the name of Boba Fett (Subster) to assist with his escape. They flee to the planet Klondike to hide the information. While here they bump into The Mandalorian (HeadChicken) whom they ask for help.

 

Meanwhile, back on Sub Zero, Ben and Freedomist quickly look for a way off of the planet. Luckily, Ben happens to know a pilot named Han Solo (Alu) and his trusty sidekick Chewbacca (Silver). Alu asks for a price of 15 thousand credits to fly them to Klondike. Once they all arrive at the self-built Millenium Falcon, Ben and Freedomist begin to have second thoughts about the ship but eventually give in. While attempting to board the ship, they are jumped by Privates working for Icey. They put up a good fight, but, in the end, Alu, Ben, Freedomist, and Silver get away and are on their way to Klondike.

Once these four arrive on Klondike, they wander for days searching for Icey but come up empty handed until they stumble upon someone who has been watching them for several days. They catch him and take him hostage and demand to know his name. He states that his name is none other than HeadChicken. Ben asks him if he has seen Icey, but HeadChicken denies that he has. Ben thinks otherwise of this man. Going off of Ben’s hunch, they interrogate HeadChicken for two days until he finally gives a location. He reveals that he and Icey hid the information inside an astromech droid which he assumed was out of service. The four immediately start heading to Icey’s location to save the Sub Zero economy. 

 

We acknowledge the fact that none of this makes sense but, we hope you enjoyed this first edition of IW Star Wars. Also keep an eye out to our upcoming events soon :iwsalute:. Stay safe and love yourselves!!


AWOOGA, DON’T FREEZE UP!

 

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